and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
