He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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