i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
