You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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