yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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