Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Randomize
