So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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