Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
This baby is an asshole
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
