i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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