Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
