can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
