I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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