I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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