the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
