Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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