Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
