thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Is that strawberry winking at me??
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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