dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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