ugly people sure do ruin things
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
