Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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