you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
then he tried to convert me to islam
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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