the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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