didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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