i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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