Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
