she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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