I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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