did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
