So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
When did angry sex become our thing?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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