Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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