just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
