I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
