Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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