i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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