pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
