Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
