what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
