Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
