that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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