any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
My bed smells like the plague
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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