based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
