I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
