she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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