You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
