I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
how drunk are you?
Several
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
