I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
