If i come over, it means nothing
we made out on top of his cat.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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