Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
