I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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