My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
