Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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