I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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