So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
