New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
