please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
50% drunk capacity currently
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
